Please sir...

Surprised this was still on the board.

Whatever.

[obligatory]

That excerpt was from the bizofbaseball site. That wasn't a quote from me or from our release.

It's a damn shame that this will be the first time many people hear the name of Augie Garrido. Garrido has won more games than anyone (1,629) and five national championships, but took a big one in the loss column this morning when he was pulled over for DWI. The stop happened around 1 am when one of Austin's Finest became suspicious of Garrido's driving. Garrido failed the sobriety test issued on the scene.

Austin Police Department spokesman James Mason confirmed Garrido’s arrest and charge and the University of Texas handed Garrido an indefinite suspension with pay.

“Texas baseball coach Augie Garrido has been placed on indefinite suspension following his arrest earlier today for alleged driving while intoxicated,” Texas athletic director DeLoss Dodds said in a press release.

“The suspension, with pay, is pending until further information can be gathered. This is a difficult and regrettable situation that we are taking very seriously. I spoke with Coach Garrido and he’s devastated and realizes he made a serious mistake.

BIG mistake, Augie. You didn't cross your arms while you held the steering wheel to reduce swerving? You didn't suck on pennies in your change bin to throw off the breathalyzer reading? Huge mistake, Augie. At least you were awake when you were pulled over. That puts you one up on Tony LaRussa already.

Texas' Garrido charged with DWI [Rivals]

Texas suspends baseball coach after DWI arrest [AP]

The indefatigable Christmas Ape found the latest fashion craze happening in Baltimore—fake unibrows, in honor of rookie quarterback Joe Flacco. It's actually a charity drive, which is great, because I won't publicly humiliate myself unless it's for a good cause. Or cash. Preferably cash. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

I'm not a big fan of discussing physical fitness, mainly because I don't have any. So I'm naturally jealous of any robot that rubs that in by doing pushups all up in my face an' shit. Especially when the robot's face is a big as this guy's. But then in the middle of his demo, his arm falls off. And you would think the robot would start bragging to his friends about it or maybe grab a beer or something, but no.

After they shut the camera off, the robot went on with its original business — killing Sarah Connor.

Strange Push-Up Robot Is Scary [TechEBlog]

Some highlights from the Syracuse-Notre Dame game, and that large Caucasian fellow playing in South Bend was not one of them. [Fack Youk]

Two things you should have known about now-former Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo. First, to my knowledge, the man has never had sex with a donut.

The other, actually important thing was that he was the shiniest pony in the NFL's coaching carousel this year. Well, the music has finally stopped playing, and it looks like Spags is heading to the St. Louis Rams. The NFL Network cited Adam Schefter as reporting that Spagnuolo has signed a 4-year deal worth 11.5 (pinky to lip) MILLLLLION DOLLARS!

How many donuts can you buy with that kind of money? A lot.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have played 20 games at home this season; they've won them all. Lebron James headed a makeshift lineup — one that saw him playing 12 minutes at center. James finished the game with 29 points in 43 minutes as the Cavs beat the New Orleans Hornets, 92-78.

Delonte West was on the bench with a cast on his wrist, Zydrunas Ilgauskas was in suit, Ben Wallace could play only 15 queasy minutes, Anderson Varejao was in foul trouble, and LeBron James was stuffed up and nursing an arm injury by the end of the night. In town was a better rested team with one of the top records in the Western Conference, a team that has owned them for the last two years.

How can all that be combated? Play James at center for, oh, about 12 minutes in the second half. Have the 6-foot-2 Daniel Gibson guard the 6-9 David West in the post and have two role players have their best games of the season.

In other words, Seigfried and Roy had nothing on Mike Brown in this one.

Kobe Is Afraid Of Bees. When asked about facing the Orlando Magic last night, Bryant said they were a good team, but not intimidating. After which, he dropped this gem [From Land o' Skeets, bold added]:

My suspicions were confirmed after the reporter next to me asked another Magic related question. "Would you be intimated by the [Magic] if you saw them again in the Finals?" he asked.

"Me, intimidated?" Kobe asked quizzically as a smile began to appear on his face. "Nah, man," he continued, "Unless it's a bee I'm not intimidated by anything."

Maybe he should have been intimidated. The Magic beat the Lakers again last night, 109-103.

Mark Cuban Is J. R. Smith's BFF. After that whole elbowing thing involving the Nuggets' player that saw Cuban storming onto the court and racking up a $25,000 fine, Cuban demonstrated the benefit of having his own blog:

In the spirit of the joy of my getting fined and your not getting the tech, have the Nuggets PR folks contact the Mavs PR folks and I will donate 25k to the charity of your choice.

Unless of course your coach thinks that the wrong thing to do, or the NBA says I can’t because it would be a violation of a rule. In which case, I will find a charity that I think you would like and make the donation in your name.

bff

m

In other words, "Fuck you. I have the money."

Cradle-robbing never looked so...comely? Mexico's own Lorena Ochoa, the No. 1 ranked female golfer, has announced plans to get married. Now I know what you're thinking. LPGA star...she's gonna marry a white girl, just like Tiger, right? Actually, it's one of her sponsors.

The 27-year-old Ochoa will marry 39-year-old Andres Conesa, the director general of Aeromexico airline, one of her sponsors.

Local media reported Conesa popped the question late last month as the couple vacationed in Europe. Hola magazine's Mexico edition said the pair was planning a wedding at the end of this year.

He popped the question...and then he popped a boner. Haha, oh man, I'm so immature. Hey, I least I didn't make any housekeeper jokes.

Lorena Ochoa To Marry Mexican Executive [Golf Digest]

A lot's being made of whether the Pittsburgh Steelers could beat any team three times in a season, let alone the Baltimore Ravens. Most of you will remember the controversial Santonio Holmes touchdown that pushed the Steelers past Baltimore in that Week 15 showdown. The goaline catch was originally ruled short of the endzone, but was then ruled a touchdown after a Mike Tomlin challenge, despite the "indisputable visual evidence" needed to change the call. The NFL explained that ruling...sort of.

NFL Vice President Of Officiating Mike Pereira explains the criteria that referee Walt Coleman had to satisfy to overturn the original ruling on the field. I actually watched this game; I originally thought Holmes caught the ball outside of the endzone, and this hasn't changed my mind.

One thing that's indisputable? Santonio Holmes has a huge penis. I bet that thing breaks the plane every time.